Do you want to know something I'm learning?
You have to be happy. You can't just react to life. If you're not happy with where you live, what you're wearing, how you're spending your time, what people are in your life on a regular basis, you can change it. You don't just have to take it. Sure, there's a balance. I'm not saying be high maintenance. But, be a little high maintenance. You're a person too, damnit, and you have the right to live your life. I am learning how to be a person that takes up space in the world.
Find what makes you happy. And go get it. Sometimes it's as simple as saying, "No, I can't cover for you today, I have a life outside of work." Sometimes it means putting on your favorite music. Sometimes it means turning off your music. Sometimes it means plugging into the world. Sometimes it means getting unplugged. Whatever the case may be, you have to live the life you want to live.
I am working two jobs in New York City. Neither of them have anything to do with theatre. Sure, it will do for the time being. It pays for the rent. It gives me a little extra breathing room at the end of the month. And sure, I was able to squeeze in a one-night only performance singing a few Broadway tunes down at the Duplex piano bar. But I could be a starving artist right now. I could be sleeping on a couch rather than in on a memory-foam mattress in a three bedroom apartment and I could be auditioning every single day rather than working at a health food store or an art studio. I could be doing things that make me happy rather than doing things that help me get by. Where's the balance?
I have to find my balance. My place in the world. My passion. My joy.
My passion is Shakespeare. Theatre. Writing. Music. Language. Creativity.
So in my free time, I'm reading Thinking Shakespeare by Barry Edelstein and Playing Shakespeare by John Barton and attempting to write short stories and attempting to submit for as many auditions as I possibly can via Backstage.com. I don't have an agent and I'm not in an acting company. I ditched the acting studio I was in because the owner asked me to pay him more money than we had initially agreed on. This city isn't so bad, but it's certainly not a snooze-to-get-by town either. You either get out every day and make life happen, or you will become swallowed up in work, subways, and staying up late on facebook in your bedroom just so your brain can decompress from the chaos of the day.
I'm a good actress. I'm not the best or the brightest star, I may not even be the most courageous or the boldest, but I will work every single day to make myself those things because that is what I want.
It's what I want.
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